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Monday, April 14, 2008

Alive Forever



I

It was a cold evening. John lay on his bed, in deep contemplation. A stern expression marked his face.

These were possibly his last days at the orphanage. He had secured the job of a clerk in one of the most well-reputed banks in the heart of the city. Life was going to take a new turn, hence onward.

But there was no trace of happiness evident on his face.

The eerie silence was suddenly broken by a rude knock at the door.

‘Father David wants to meet you’, said the voice from outside.

It belonged to Jacob, the church help, whose job was to assist the Father, besides cleaning & maintaining the church premises.

‘I’ll come in a short while’, answered John, somewhat reluctantly.

Father David had raised John since the age of three. The church had sponsored his studies completely since then.

Even though he grew up in the orphanage under the Father’s loving care & attention, the pain of being an orphan had always haunted him ever since the days he could remember.



II

When Father David turned around after finishing his prayers, John was right there behind him.

‘Why are you late, my boy? Thinking of the past, as usual?’

‘What else do I have in this world to think about, Father?’

‘You’re living backwards, Johny. Come to terms with it. A new life is awaiting you.’

No words came forth for a few minutes.

Then John remarked thoughtfully, ‘whatever Im today I owe to you, the church & God’.

‘But whatever I loved & cherished the most, is no more today.’
‘So what significance does the new life, you are talking about, hold for me, Father? Nothing.’

‘At times I feel, what’s the purpose of my existence. For whom?’

‘You’ll discover that in the journey called life, my son.’

‘Remember, there is no wound which time cannot heal’.

‘So, don’t brood over the past. Sleep peacefully.’

John nodded weakly and walked back to his room.



III

Can time make him forget Mani? Never ever.

Mani was John’s pet kitten which had passed away exactly a year back.

Since then memories of Mani were always flooding his mind.

The day it entered his life, was the most unforgettable day for him.

It was about seven o’ clock in the evening. He had just returned from his tuition classes when he saw other inmates standing outside his room. They were discussing something excitedly and peeping into his room on and off.

‘You have some visitors, John’, remarked one of the inmates.

When he looked through the window, his eyes met a pair of big, green, frightened eyes. It was the cat whom he fed regularly at the orphanage.

The cat seemed to be licking something profusely. A small, brown, glossy thing caught his attention. A kitten!

A sort of excitement caught up with him. He opened the door quietly but didn’t go in immediately.

He wanted his “visitors” to take their own time & settle down comfortably.

After dining, late at night he tiptoed into his room quietly and with the least & most subtle of movements, settled onto his bed.

The mother & the kid were fast asleep by then.


IV

Within a week, the kitten had opened its eyes. They shone like the black beads. In terms of cuteness, they resembled little bells that John named it as “Mani”.

A ray of hope & unparalleled joy had descended onto his lonely life with the little one’s arrival. Slowly, his whole world became centered on the kitten.

Moreover, its mother had fallen sick and liked to be on its own, most of the time. As a result, the kitten also started looking up to John for everything.

In fact, their bonding grew so intense that it effected a remarkable transformation in him.

The dull, silent boy he was, had now become just the reverse. Cheerful, talking to everyone, enquiring about others & wishing them often. It was really amazing.

‘It’s a privilege to watch you grow’, John often thought.

And Mani, indeed, grew up to be a wonderful, cute & mischievous darling.

It was a pleasure watching them play together forgetting all the distinctions between a man and an animal. Mani’s favorite game was to make John run, catch up with him and bite the edge of his trousers. As it was exceptionally agile, he had to be on his toes always. When John got fed up, he would stop on his tracks & chase Mani all the way down.

These were the happiest hours he had ever spent in his life. He felt like he was getting back something which he had lost forever.

However, as someone said, ‘All good things must come to an end’, this happiness was not to last long.


V

As Mani grew older, it started roaming more and sleeping less at night. So, John had to let it out at night and it would be back by 6 in the morning in front of the room. It served as the wake-up call for him.


VI

On that fateful night, Mani went out earlier than usual. Moreover, there was a power failure & it was pitch dark everywhere. When the power came, it was about 10’o clock.

John had planned to study late unto night as he had to appear for an entrance test in a few days. He had hardly studied for an hour, when his attention was diverted towards the barking of some stray dogs.

This was immediately followed by a shriek. A helpless cry.

The sound was so familiar. His heart missed a beat.

Immediately he started searching for the torch. Curses, it was not to be seen anywhere. After a desperate search which lasted about 5 minutes, he found the torch behind the stack of newspapers.

Cursing himself for the delay, he rushed out. When he reached the spot from where the sounds had emanated, no was in sight. There was absolute silence. He went further beyond & looked around the orphanage and church premises but the result was the same.

Back in his room, he wanted this entire thing to be his mere imagination. But something was not right. Things had gone out of his hand, he seemed to feel.

Praying fervently that the worst shouldn’t have happened, he went to sleep.

However, he couldn’t sleep peacefully. He was waiting for the day to break.


VII

Even before it was 6, he had opened the door in desperate anticipation. No one turned up, however. His anxiety rose as each minute passed by.

Finally, he couldn’t stand it anymore. He set out in search of Mani again. Roamed here and there for a long time but had to return back empty-handed.

Still, he couldn’t believe that it was Mani’s cry he had heard the previous night.

As he sat in his room, in utter despair clinging with fear onto the last edge of hope, he prayed within himself, ‘For God’s sake, let it not be my poor Mani’.

Night fell. Yet, nothing happened.

Suddenly John stood up. Were his ears deceiving him?

Dashing outside, he stopped abruptly. At a corner was the kitten’s mother, with an affectionate look in its eyes.

Looking at her, he was overcome by a feeling of extreme guilt. Kneeling beside her, he fondled & stroked her head like consoling an aggrieved relative.

While feeding the cat, his hands started trembling. Never before had it been like that.


VIII

There was a continuous knocking at John’s door. The sun had risen.

‘John, please wake up. Something terrible has happened. Your cat, Im sorry to say…’

Even before the voice outside could complete the sentence, John sprang up from his bed and rushed outside.

A gory sight awaited him.

Some 40 yards away from the orphanage, amidst the bushes, the cat was lying with its mouth wide open. Stray dogs had torn open its flesh, without any mercy, a large hole on the abdomen being proof of that.

‘That’s it. The last ray of hope had been sealed.’

‘There was no need to trouble God anymore. Everything was over.’

Like an express train, these flashed across his mind.

Not able to withstand the sight any longer, he slowly walked back to the orphanage.

His whole world had fallen apart. He felt as if the ground had slipped from under his feet.

‘No one to care about, no one to show love & affection, no one to play & make me run, above all no one in my life, hence onward.’

‘It was just 3 months old, the kitten. Didn’t even have a proper glimpse when it went out of the room. Never even imagined it was going to a point of no return.’

‘Never in my wildest dreams have I meant harm to anyone. Then, of all the goddamn shit, why should this happen to me?’

‘Again back to square one. What a cursed life mine is, thought John.’

He could hold it back no more. Like a bolt out of the blue, it had hit him. Overcome by uncontrollable grief & sorrow, tears welled up in his eyes.

He cried his heart out that day.

IX

The initial few months were traumatic for him. Except for attending classes and prayers in the
church, he rarely ventured out of his room.
Everyone including father David consoled him. Yet, it served no purpose.

He got stuck up with himself & rarely spoke to others.


X

However, as time passed by, he did change a little.

He never forgot to thank God for sending those wonderful angels who transformed his otherwise sombre, lonely life into a memorable one forever.

On the other end, doubts also plagued him incessantly. ‘Did God grow so envious of our bonding that he snatched them away from me?’

They were my only people in this world, he often exclaimed.


XI

Slowly, he started reverting back to his normal self.

Setting aside his pain and sorrow, he started to think more clearly.

‘Though they are no more in this world today, in the corridors of my heart they are alive as before. Walking, running around, playing, having fun, sleeping, they can never be wiped out or uprooted from there.’

‘That’s enough for me to lead the rest of my life.’

‘How true are Father David’s words.’


XII

When he gave a casual thought to the new life that Father David had mentioned, a wry quirk escaped his face.

‘Even if the new life out there has the best in store for me, it isn’t going to hold any relevance’.

‘It can never replace those everlasting, precious moments with Mani’.

Thinking thus, he retired to his bed. But he wasn’t alone anymore.


“THERE ARE SOME THINGS IN LIFE WHICH’LL NEVER END”.







Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Flirting as a way of life


Before commenting a single word on this, I would like to make a point clear.

Neither do I propagate flirting nor do I oppose it.

When someone asks me about marriage & I give them my usual reply, ‘haven’t given a thought to it or 5-6 years later, maybe’, they are taken aback as if I have said something which is prohibited.

I just can’t figure out why people are shocked at my answer. Had I said something wrong or is the world going to end in the next 5 or 6 years?

Absolutely clueless.

You might be wondering what’s this guy trying to prove or what has this got to do with flirting. Well, not much. This’s just a faint indicator of my attitude towards marriage.

For many like me (hope there are at least some), flirting is an art, yet to be mastered. This doesn’t mean that we shun from talking to girls or stay out of their sight, at a distance of at least 10 kms.

It’s just that we don’t go out of the way or talk to them just for the sake of talking.

Once a close relative of mine remarked, ‘when boys of your age are constantly on the lookout for the slightest opportunity to talk to a girl, you are here playing with your pets and roaming with friends. A different boy, you are, indeed’.

For a moment it seemed as if I were an outlaw who has defied the rules of his land.

I didn’t know how to react to this. Just gave a weak smile.

A thought then flashed across my mind, ‘is not flirting a crime?’

Why are people (who don’t flirt) looked upon normally, yet differently?

The answers lie in the manner in which flirting has garnered an increasingly important space in our social as well as private lives.

Flirting, today, has become such an integral part of the mainstream social life that it has come to be accepted as a way of life.

Beaches, parks, restaurants, cinema halls, college canteens, 0ffices, temples (even god’s residence isn’t spared) and possibly every nook & corner- have become the breeding grounds for flirting

Whenever we visit these places, we become the odd man out, truly.

We are forced to stare helplessly (even of we don’t like it) at those on the other extreme. This can’t be denied. We’ve to admit what we do, even though it’s not what we want to.

You can call this as a lack of opportunity or our inability or hesitancy or anything you may deem to be fit. But this is what, ‘what we are’.

I never mean to hurt others’ feelings or sentiments. But I can’t deny this fact, whether you like it or not. Men, nowadays, are becoming more and more of metrosexuals. The worse part, in fact, is they are willing to be so (according to me).

I’m not claiming or insisting that this is something wrong. But there’s a clear difference between genuine love & care and showering excessive attention on your girl.

Lingering on the mobile phone for long hours, calling at least 10-15 times a day when there’s practically nothing more to say (telecom service providers, make use of the opportunity fully), meeting whenever possible in a single day (Thank god! The day was divided only into 4 intervals)

Does true love demand all this? I don’t think so. Rather, signs of an obsessive infatuation, I feel.

Ultimately, it all boils down to the concept of one’s own life.

‘It’s my life. I decide what it is’. Absolutely right.

However, people don’t seem to realise what they are losing. The little joys of life usually pass by unnoticed. Neither time nor money can bring them back.

So what im trying to put forth is, flirt with your girl. It’s your life, pal.

But also try to spend a little more time with all your near and dear ones (besides your girl).

There’s only a single life. At no point should you regret that you’ve missed something in life. Nothing can be more painful than that.

At least if there is a time machine to take us backward to our past, we can afford to take liberty at present.

Unfortunately, there’s none.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Where’s the honor today



“In War, there’s supposed to be honor. Where’s the honor here”. A dialogue from Sylvester stallone’s 1988 action flick RamboIII is more indicative of the turbulent times in which we are living, rather existing today.

Much has been said and written about “war” and its aftermaths. But the larger ramification of the entire picture lies in the horrors of war; the real icing on the cake.

In the earlier centuries like the medieval period, knights and soldiers fought for their kings and countries and took utmost pride in laying down their lives for the cause, the “noble cause”.

But it’s not noble anymore, now.

Without rape, torture, sexual assault, sexual abuse, a war is not complete today. You name the country- Iraq, Afghanistan, Burma, Darfur, Somalia, East Timor. They will name the horrors and tragedies inflicted upon them with an inkling of fear still deeply entrenched in their hearts.

Destruction of property,homes,people being mutilated,burnt,blown to pieces, women & children getting raped and tortured-the list goes on endlessly-has become the order of the day.

One of the most heinous crimes to be ever committed by mankind (read it as men), rape, is assuming alarmingly disgusting proportions. The word, itself, has lost its relevance today. Women are no longer raped by a single man.

Rape and torture are a daily routine affair in Burma (like our morning breakfast or afternoon siesta). Good old neighbor, Indonesia, went a step further.

They had lists of local East Timorese women (as if they were preparing lists of monthly groceries) who were called to the military posts so that the armed forces could rape them. This was done to break the will of the East Timorese rebels. A practice which they followed without fail. Surely must be appreciated, isn’t it?

Women getting mercilessly fucked and raped in front of their children, husbands, parents. Can there be a more disgusting form of humiliation than this? Is this for what women are born? Raised with utmost love and care by the parents only to undergo all this terrible misery, agony in utter helplessness like a sweet flower being crushed and trampled underfoot.

Sometimes, when I’m alone I wonder whether god will forgive people for what they are doing. A staunch believer in god, am i. But when I see, hear and read about all these ghastly happenings, a doubt harbors within me, has god forsaken all these places?

The only mistake which these poor helpless souls did, which is obviously not in their hands (in god’s hands, if you wish to put so); being born in their respective nations, be it Iraq or East Timor. Generically speaking, it’s all fate. An easy way out to put the entire blame and responsibility for whatever has happened to these people, on that one word. Now everyone can wash away their hands and feet off this dirt and disgust.

What are the developed nations doing? What is the world governing body, the United Nations or the U.S (sorry, some truths are not meant to be let out) doing?

Nothing. Just sitting back, watching and enjoying the “show”.

Mute spectators, are they? No, definitely not. Supporters of noble causes like the Iraq war, Indonesian invasion of East Timor since December, 1975. Can anyone forget how they developed Guatemala in 1954!

So, they are supposed to turn a blind eye to all the massacres and atrocities committed in the third world countries, now known as the southern globe (what else can they be expected to do!)

Stop! Is this the civilized modern world with all its economic progress and technological advancements, which we so unabashedly claim? Oh no! It can’t be for god’s sake.

In fact, the civilized world is the privilege of the privileged few. And this includes you, me and everyone else who’s going to read this.

Because unlike us, the unprivileged live day-by-day, constantly surrounded by uncertainty every moment. Let alone reading this article, they aren’t even sure whether they’ll be alive tomorrow to see the sunrise. By heart and soul, they would have become numb. Like a piece of wood, they are existing on this planet too.

On the other end of the field, who cares a damn for this entire fuckin shit? Yes, it’s really a matter of no concern for us, the privileged few. None. Think it’s time to remove care and concern from the English dictionary. Already, they have vacated many hearts long time back.

Thank god! At least sly has shown interest in the lives of the unprivileged in his latest venture, even if it’s in reel life.

Alas! Pride and Honor. I’m sorry to say this. But I’ve to. There remains no place for you anymore in war; the horrors of war have become so disgustingly horrific. Though blunt and naïve, this is the “WAR” today.